When I knew there was no chance of saving my marriage and I had to move out, I started changing everything I could in order to sever ties and form a new identity. I didn’t want to do these things, but it was out of necessity that I changed as many things as possible. Memories of my old life were too painful. All I wanted to remember was my children.
I even changed my laundry detergent.
We started using All years ago when we did cloth diapering because it was one of the few brands that had a version with no scent or dyes (that’s important for cloth diapers). But I always liked the way Gain smelled, so when I did my first big grocery shopping trip in my new role as a single man, I decided to change. That set off a chain reaction of change that is still continuing.
I changed from coffee to tea. From pasta to rice. From Cascade to Finish. I changed how I leave our neighborhood (we live next door to each other), my alarm ring tone, and what route I drive our kids to school. I changed from the Velveeta Shells and Cheese to the original Kraft kind with the orange cheese powder. I even changed my cologne from Aqua Di Gio (which she loves) to Tommy Hilfiger (which she hates). I made that change before I moved out. I don’t know if she noticed. It’s not like she got close enough to me to notice. If she did, she didn’t say anything.
I don’t know how many of these changes will stick. I’m happy with most of them, but I kinda miss coffee.
I don’t want to remember her, so today to be divorced means change – because the familiar hurts too much.